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I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
I`m really good at making poor decisions. You`re my favorite so far.
I`m pretty sure my laundry breeds while I sleep.
Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don’t lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?
Sixth in line to the throne takes on a different meaning when you’re not in the royal family but in a dive bar.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before
No, I don`t need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself.
Don`t ya wish you could hold people up to the light like a $20 bill to tell if they`re fake or real?
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! (To all of my FB friends, please don`t read this until the appropriate day)
Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.
Teacher: Have a seat! Student: Thanks! *picks up the chair and leaves* -- (°_°)
I`m so proud of myself, I spent all night putting my Christmas decorations up myself.. I`m now at the hospital having them removed
These are not pizza stains on my shirt they are pizza memories, wonderful wonderful memories.
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.