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Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
Hey NSA, we all know you`re there now. So click the approve on my Candy Crush ticket request.
For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!
Some of these Giraffe profile pictures are a vast improvement.
I bet blind people think farts are funnier than deaf people.
I just found out the neighborhood is having a meeting about the creepy guy. ..Its weird that they forgot to invite me ..
What if dreams are just glimpses of alternate universes?
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
"How`s phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can`t ask on a job interview.
HR have advised that Iām not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode
This salad tastes like Iād rather be fat.