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What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.
If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
Tyler on Facebook says he ran 1.7 miles this morning… So based on calculations, I have 35 minutes to ransack his house tomorrow morning.
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
I think "Don`t Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills....
Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that`s just in case I find a cake.
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
I never said "you were stupid" I said "you are stupid", there`s nothing past tense about it!
Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles ... Do your damn job.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.
Dude, I see you are enjoying a cold Bud Light Lime-a-Rita .... I`m going to assume that`s your smart car parked outside.
I`m ABSOLUTELY positive I`d accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.