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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.
Every-time I run I hear Mario Brothers theme song in my head, and look for things to jump over.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
Ok honey don’t freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn’t do the dishes.
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
I heard Disney bought and are relocating the White House to Disneyland. They Say, it will be the new Center Piece of FANTASY LAND.
Don`t know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. Problem solved
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
I`m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, Knock over a lamp, and kill a cat.
I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I`m basically a golden retriever.
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.