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Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.
For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
I would call my fashion style: “clothes that still fit.”
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
Next time I get a bunch of, "likes," on a comment I post on someones status/photo etc.. Im gonna edit my comment and change the whole comment to, "like this status if you would f*ck your father." Just to make anyone else who reads it from then on think ill about the people who liked it. ™
I love that moment when I`m cruising down the highway listening to country music and I suddenly realize "wait a minute I can change the station!"
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
Why is it when you take a break from Facebook everyone assumes you`re happy and in love ... Maybe I was in jail.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.