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They say if the palm of your hand itches, you`re going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you`ve already got it.
I`m not an asshole, I`m just the only one who has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. OK, fine. A mannequin. But she doesn`t talk much and I like that.
If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
I hate it when I think I`m buying organic vegetables and I get home to discover they`re just regular doughnuts.
The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
It would be so cool to be able to see an album of all the pictures you’ve accidentally photobombed in public.
Remember, life isn`t about accumulating stuff. It`s about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.