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A woman is quick to reject a man that lives with his mother, but will accept a man that lives with his wife.
Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can...
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald’s.
A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy`s laptop
One of the best uses I`ve ever found for invisible ink is when I signed my marriage license with it.
Frankly auto correct,I`m getting tired of your shirt.
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats