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I heard an ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" But then, I can`t drive a bus..
Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
It`s not often you see a pink poo in your bowl & realize that not everything is edible from the sex shop
Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there’s a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
I’m off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
I just wanna be the reason your doctor puts you on a new medication.