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I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
If someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it`s like excuse me, I`m working here.
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired
You don’t have to be drunk to love me, but it helps
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis