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I wish my mind had a delete button.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called “fun sized” should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
I never talk to myself......But I do have some candid conversations with the other personalities!
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
Multitasking? I’m not even good at unitasking.
Why would I pay someone to scare me at a haunted house when I could just open a can of biscuits at home?
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
Just when I think I`m over my insomnia the car behind me honks.
If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn`t make me excited, pull the plug.