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Just saw someone holding a sign that said "Honk 2 impeach Obama" You`d think the process to impeach a president would be more complicated
I just poured myself some iced tea. I could have sworn I heard one of the beers in my fridge whisper "What the F*ck!?"
When pornstars get up to speak in front of a large group, do they picture people with their clothes on?
Apparently, the answer `I know.` is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed.
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
I`m not "rich" ... But, actually, it depends on how you define wealth. If you`re talking about money, relationships, or happiness, then no still
Day 1. I am thankful that I haven`t fallen into the trap of Facebook thankful status updates.
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
Feeling pretty good about myself today so I`m going to go meet up with an ex-girlfriend to bring me back down to normal
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
This year’s box-office revenue is down 20 percent from last summer. I’m not sure why that is, but I`ll bet you there’s a documentary on Netflix about it.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.