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I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
I`m going to a wedding rehearsal this weekend. Wedding rehearsals are the only time you see someone practice making a mistake.
this website used to be full of funny statuses. Then the 8-year olds came in.
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
It’s almost 2015, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
am updating my status just to let you know my status has no status
Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
Why am I always right but people still ignore me...?
I plan on leaving all my money to the campaign against illiteracy. ...They can`t read this right? lol
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
Hi you`ve reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn`t be done over text
Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.