Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My bank account is more like a countdown to homelessness.
Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
Relax, we`re all crazy. It`s not a competition.
My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
If I were invisible I`d go beat up a street mime...the applause he would get would be incredible
I`m "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don`t trust my farts anymore" years old.
My cardio is shopping.
Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, nudity, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
Whoever left me in charge of all this booze is going to have a lot to answer for tomorrow.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the shit out of you.
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.