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It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
79% of accidents happen in the home....... Finally, good news for the homeless
Why are you showing me pictures of your kid if you have a dog?
If you drink enough, your brain starts photo-shopping people.
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
I`m pretty sure even Santa wishes they would stop playing Christmas music on the radio this time of year.
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that a$$hole.
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
At funerals instead of crying, I tie the dead person’s shoe laces together. It’s not stupid. What if he comes back as a zombie?
It`s always best to fart when there`s a baby on the bus. They always get the blame.