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Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
Aren`t you too fat to be this rude?
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
People are always gonna talk about you, so you might as well give them something good to say.
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
There was a HUGE spider in the shower.. So I ran into the living room screaming naked.. Now my daughters` friends probably won`t be allowed over anymore..
The Patriots defensive coverage was almost as bad as the coverage by Obamacare.
When your parties have glasses instead of red cups, you’re a grown up.
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
I think I might be bisexual. Because last night I had sex by myself.
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
To help reduce cost, this status was typed in china.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.