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Boss: Are you on drugs? Me: You and I both know I don`t make enough money to have a drug problem
The real problem with this generation is that the cartoons suck.
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
When all else fails… Pizza & Beer.
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
If anybody in North America needs a napkin, hit me up. I should have enough in my car’s glovebox for each of you.
COLLEGE STUDENTS: if you`re looking for a job, your career center lists thousands of openings you don`t have enough experience for.
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.