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In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy’s hat sideways.
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
The real trouble with reality is that there´s no background music
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
It`s all fun and games until you find out she`s a psychotic bitch...
Let`s all play a game: For every political post, you must post 5 non political posts. #makefacebookhappyagain
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
All these people are talking about finding Jesus, finding love, finding themselves... I`m like I found 63 cents and four Fritos in the couch!
I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid. And some I’d love to punch them in the face.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
Defies physics: I eat half a pound of food, `purge` 1 pound of it, and then gain five pounds because of it-- WTF?