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I love my toilet. We`ve been through alot of sh!t together.
Jehovah`s Witnesses, Improving my hiding skills since 1974.
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
Why does everybody call it a "hot water heater?" It`s really a cold water heater.
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
"The more the merrier": My excuse for extra food.
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
Treat your mom to a margarita this mothers day! Remember you`re the reason she drinks.
To any ex-military that live on my street I apologize for whatever messages we may be sending, 2yo has discovered light switches