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Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
When all else fails… Pizza & Beer.
My friend on Facebook "Can`t believe its Monday again already"... if only there were some way for her to calculate the order in which days occur.
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don`t have to share.
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
Having a bad day? Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate. you`re welcome.
I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didn’t hear me call shotgun.
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.