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Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman`s ability to find a reason to post a selfie.
There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
Insert coin to view my status message.
Do you ever bring your pet up to a mirror and you`re just like, "That is you."
Wife: You always blame other people for your problems. Me: Yeah, and whose fault is that?
Oh look, it`s raining outside. I think I`ll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don`t have a window of their own.
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
If you don`t leave a buffet looking like someone told you bad news you didn`t get your money`s worth.
If practice makes perfect, one day I will make the perfect mistake.
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really fast
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
Honey, tact is for people who aren`t witty enough to be sarcastic.
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!