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Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level.
Pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
I hate it when you can’t find your phone because you left it someplace stupid like in the car or your non-dominant hand.
If you`re having second thoughts, you`re 2 ahead of most people.
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
To a cop, doing donuts in a parking lot has a whole different meaning.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I like women.
I saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as "grabbing for swirling dollars inside a Plexiglas Cash Cube."
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.
My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I`m pretty damn excited.