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I wish the "Do not ask me again" option existed in real life.
My interventions would be so much more effective if every single reason I drink wasn`t there
Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
These last 7 hours at work are always the longest.
I like them big and fake. ~Me talking about Christmas trees
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’
Well, the people outside are frightful.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
An ex asking to stay friends after you break up is like a kidnapper asking to stay in touch after they let you go.
Whenever I tell the cashier to ‘keep the change`, it takes everything in my power not to call them a filthy animal.
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.