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People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody`s pants.
I just bought Velcro shoes.... What a rip off!
Question: : What do you get if you add human DNA to a goat? ... Answer: Kicked out of the petting zoo
Heard Justin Bieber got arrested for drag racing. Sure it`s dangerous, but surely it isn`t against the law to run in high heels...
I might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery the odds are about the same
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.
I can’t believe that all these “single ladies in my area” want to meet me, must be due to all the “free Ipads” I’ve been winning.
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
I’m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data