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So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
I spent 2 hours cleaning this kitchen. Mess it up and I will cut you! ... Love MOM
I need an emoticon that’s stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls.
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I`m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
Trying to get in shape for all those people I`m not having sex with.
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
If you`re behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you`re not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
How many exercise/workout videos does a person have to buy before seeing results?