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Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they`re not passing you some fake sh!t.
Whoever is in charge of making sure I don´t do dumb stuff is fired.
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
"You go girl" - asking my girlfriend to move out, but sassy like
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. But giving payment when payment is due is an entirely different thing.
"What did you do today?" "I text messaged." :)
There really should be awards for getting out of bed.
My best relationship advice: Make sure you`re the crazy one.
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always like to write: "Last warning, you have a week to get the rest of the money together."
Find someone who is honest, laughs when you make fun of them, and then give each other orgasms.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes...
I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you`re good with grammar you`ll get it.
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I`m not an actor.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”