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I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
People in love use phrases like “takes my breath away” and “swept me off my feet”. I think they’re confusing love with attempted murder.
Don`t run with scissors -- unless you`re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
"Of course you`re the prettiest girl here, you just need to talk louder" - alcohol
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If your parents told you you`re beautiful, they`re lyin to you..:D
Fun: text a friend "Are you alone right now?" They go "Yes." Then u text back LOL
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
is procastinating now. Don´t see why I should put it off.