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I thought the voices in my head actually liked me until I found out they learned sign language just so they could talk sh*t about me.
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
Who needs the weather network when you have Facebook.
I did not steal your drink. You abandoned it and I rescued it.
Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
No officer I wasn’t texting, that’s dangerous. I was checking my email.
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.
You never outgrow sleepovers, they just become coed.