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You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it`s like excuse me, I`m working here.
Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
The Never Ending Story should`ve been a movie about a phone call from my Mother
These people keep looking at me like I`m the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
I cant wait to show everyone at work my new cough
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.