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Every day at work I wonder if this is going to be the day I accidentally scream "SHUT THE F*CK UP` out loud instead of just in my head.
Tomorrow I will live in the moment, unless it`s unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
Whenever our neighbor`s dog is barking, I know there`s either someone at their door or literally anything else in the universe has happened.
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.
I don`t get why he counts the beer before he leaves to work... There`s never any left when he comes home.
Admit it. When you go to the zoo, the first thing you look at is the Camel`s foot.
The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.
Just once I`d like a doctor to tell me I`m not getting enough beer in my diet.
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
Never underestimate the power of the web. -Charlotte
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.
Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.