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So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
The future is much like the present, only longer.
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullsh!t I`ll put up with before I catch on.
Know the rules well so you can break them effectively.
You`re never too old to throw random sh*t in people`s shopping carts when they aren`t looking.
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked “do you have any firearms with you?” do not reply “what do you need?”
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
Being an adult is mostly just wondering if the stuff in the dishwasher is dirty or clean while eating soup out of a sand castle bucket.
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis