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They say you have real problems if you hear disembodied voices; fortunately all my imaginary friends have bodies.
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
I saw that! - Karma
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
Light travels faster than sound. That`s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%.
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullshit I’ll put up with before I catch on.
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.