Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky men that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped her.
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
Have I posted my Alzheimers joke yet?
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
Don`t talk about yourself so much... we`ll do that when you leave.
Me: Mom...Dad. I`ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside
Sometimes I wish people would just bring donuts to work instead of drama.
People always say, "You can`t have your cake and eat it too." I say, "Of course you can. Just make two cakes!"
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.