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Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
I don`t care if you`re here to murder me - we take our shoes off in this house.
I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn`t punch them in the head as soon as they got here.
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
If at first you don`t succeed then maybe you just suck.
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
No matter what`s happening there`s always part of me that would rather be taking a nap or drinking.
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...