Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
Out of all the lies I`ve ever told, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I`m not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
I got kicked out of the public swimming pool today. Apparently the `Breast Stroke` wasn`t what I thought it was.
All I’ve ever wanted from life was to be a disturbance in the force.
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
My love for you is beyond words so don’t expect a Valentine’s Day card from me.
I`m so broke right now if anybody robbed me they`d just be practicing
Nice try salad bars, there`s only one kinda bar I plan on attending.
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.
Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life ... Avoiding them