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To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.
Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
When someone wants to talk behind your back, FART!
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
I`ve got a lot to unlearn.
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?