Daily Silly Status

I drink to make other people interesting

I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.

Don`t ever forget.. I`m always here. A l w a y s. Scrolling. Judging. Judging. Scrolling. That`s right. I see everything.

I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.

Health tip: There`s never a `safe` time to shake a teenage boy`s hand. Never.

I`d watch NASCAR if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.

If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you`re one of them.

My ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" but I can`t drive a bus.

If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I`m not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.

I want the job of placing pepperoni slices on frozen pizzas, because clearly whoever has it is now has problems.

I`ve decided to add more positivity in my life. So, now when I say someone`s an a@#hole, I qualify it with......... but he`s really good at it...........and I`m positive about that!

Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.

one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D

At this point I`m just waiting for summer to be cancelled completely.

I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?