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To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
I`m going to a wedding rehearsal this weekend. Wedding rehearsals are the only time you see someone practice making a mistake.
DAMN! I`m so drunk that I cooked a pizza for 450 minutes at 15 degrees.
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “well that’s not going to happen.”
Well, it`s about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
I want the time management skills of people who effortlessly carve out entire hours to be offended by every single thing on the internet.
The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don`t worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.
Why can`t insomnia start in the morning.
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it`s lettuce.
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores
"I trust my boyfriend, I would never go thru his phone" -girls who can`t figure out boyfriend`s passwords