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Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket, you`re proably not gonna win, but you`re sure as hell gonna try!
My dog acts like his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick…My girlfriend.
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.
The Hulk just texted me a picture of a zucchini, I think?
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
I only call them yoga pants because Netflix and eat leftovers pants was too long.
I`m placing myself in "time-out" until I`m able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
Story of my life : 1. i wake up .... 2. i go to school.... 3. i see a girl .... 4. i run to her and kiss her.... Actually, the right order is 2,3,4,1 ..
Sitting out in my front yard pointing a hair dryer at speeding cars to see if any slow down.
Sex, drugs and candy crush all have one thing in common. It`s only an addiction if you start paying for it.