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First fart at my new job.
Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
They call cat people crazy but they`re not the ones outside at 5AM putting fresh dog poop into little baggies.
I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
All milk is breast milk.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
I`ve been told I`m doing exceedingly well in my exaggeration therapy class, I think it`s because I`ve been giving it 180 percent.
I`d hit that. - women drivers
Never ask a Leper to "give you a hand", seriously, don`t........................
Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks