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My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
I order all my food with extra gluten.
After visiting the gov`t healthcare site, I don`t know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
Pretty proud of myself, I got a lot of procrastinating done today
It would be a lot easier to drink the recommended 64oz of water a day if it was beer.
Ok, I admit. Everything that`s wrong in your life is your fault.
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
I SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild...
Relationship status: Are you gonna eat that?
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore
Yes, Facebook says we`re `friends` but, trust me, I wouldn`t hesitate to punch you in the face.
You know it`s a classy establishment when they quietly ask you to leave.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.