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If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I`ve ever made.
Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Remember when the world ended last year?
If one goes to online college, do they have to haze them self?
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
I`m starting to think that all those hours in school, when I practiced writing my autograph, was just a waste of time.....
Girls just wanna have funds.
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
I think I may be getting harder to love.
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.