Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead, but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
You know you`re poor when you sneak into Sam`s Club with some random family just to eat samples for lunch. Yay... Christmas
Common sense is so rare it should be classified as a super power
This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: “Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken.”
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
I spend hours on Facebook and then think, “Well, that was pointless”
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
Buy a "World`s Greatest Boss" mug and drink out of it in front of your boss.