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Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
That`s like asking the fat guy to watch the pie.
Does a transformer get car insurance or life insurance?
In the 1960s, if you said "All my music is in the cloud" it was due to mushrooms; not Apple.
A married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What`s on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I`m married and not allowed to make decisions.
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
Folks, there`s no need to say GOODNIGHT on Facebook. NO ONE will be thinking " hey where did they go".
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn`t seem so bad now.
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D