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some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..
I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place to have sex.
Don`t play dumb with me. That`s a game you can`t win.
You always remember your first Crush. Mine was Orange.
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
I was standing in front of the mirror eariler, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I`m now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
I always have a note in my pocket that says "john did it" just in case I`m murdered because I don`t want him to remarry
Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my random thoughts and sliding them into stranger`s pockets.