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It`s real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
Iām single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
I know I`m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
After all these years, I`m beginning to suspect that Waldo doesn`t want to be found.
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but, Iām slowly getting over it.
Today I recently discovered how to make my p@nis 12"...I just fold that b!tch in half.
You know who your true friends are when they call you at 3AM just to tell you they love you and that their drunk...
When your wife says she needs a new broom it`s best not to ask if she broke the last one in a crash landing.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.