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Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
Got my friend a Starbucks gift card. 2 weeks later I get a call. They said hey Dean, u put any money on this Starbucks gift card. I said no it´s a gift card. That´s the beauty of it u can put as much money on it as u want.
facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
One of these days I`m going to get help for my procrastination problem.
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, if that doesn`t accurately describe my life I don`t know what does
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
exercise........you mean extra fries
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
What an intoxicated Schwarzenegger might say to a police officer: "I`m an IDIOT you COP!"
I`m super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I`m also wearing a cape.
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden
I can do 50-100 pushups depending on how many weeks you give me.