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I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
We should do this “3-day weekend” thing more often.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
He died doing what he loved: telling me I`m overreacting.
The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won’t do as she is told
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can`t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to pee.
I can`t take this long distance relationship anymore.. Fridge, you`re coming to my room.