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I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.
Make sure your goals are unattainable so you`ll feel a little better about giving up later
wants my 260 FB friends to know I love you all..except #193
I`m getting sick of seeing all these lyric status`s, it reminds me of somebody that I used to know.
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
Everyone’s an optimist when it comes to their car’s fuel gauge.
I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid`s vomit.
Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she’s doing.
I hope common sense is the next cool trend.
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll