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I`m boycotting Kix cereal because of all that kid testing.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around
Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
Dad, I love how we don`t even have to say out loud that I`m your favorite. Happy Fathers Day!
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution Bitches Be Trippin
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
I have a "honk if you think I`m sexy" bumper sticker on my truck so that way on the way to work, if I`m not feeling to excited to be there, I sit at a green light until I feel better.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.