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When I say “the other day” I could mean yesterday or 5 years ago there’s no in between.
Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
I enjoy long walks away from responsibility.
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
So I was thinking... since the kids get the Easter bunny, why shouldn`t I expect a visit from a Playboy bunny today?
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
LSD makes users lose weight` That makes sense, it`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!