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You know what tastes better than one taco? Two tacos!
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
Gray hair is the human body`s equivalent of low toner.
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn’t have couches at this Best Buy
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
You will always be my best friend ... You know too much.
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
Marriage...betting someone half your stuff you`ll love them forever.
They say 1 minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder sluts are so damn skinny.
Odd Fact: The names of characters in Inception are: Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mal and Saito. Note the first letters = DREAMS.
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?