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If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it`s because they`ve just killed someone right?
Saying “sounds good” is probably the nicest way to abruptly end a conversation.
three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere "Hold my purse."
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
? Taken ? Single ? So sexy that they’re all scared to go out with me.
Women who say the quickest way to a man`s heart is through his stomach, have not seen his browser history.
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Pilot...but apparently I was too young.
I dunno who decided on the spelling of bologna, but it`s obvious he had no idea how letters work.
On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.
There are sick days, paid holidays, and vacation days. What about "Don`t have any gas to make it to work days"
Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.
I’m so happy people can’t hear what I’m thinking.
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
If you fall, I`ll be there - Floor