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life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
Wow.. I didn`t know spandex could hold that much.
We live in a society that`s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
I’m an only child, and I’m still not the favorite.
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.
I found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
So, when people say "LOLZ", does that mean they laughed themselves to sleep?
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers