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i am not so think, as you drunk i am
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
My Living Will says it`s okay to pull the plug on me, but I`d like them to at least try jiggling it a few times first.
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don`t know how much I want. They don`t know my life. They don`t know what I`ve been through.
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
I thought she would duck officer- me checking the psychic`s ability
Grown up pandas eat for 12 hours a day. In related news, it turns out Iām not fat. Iām a panda.
At what point will this meal make me happy, Ronald?
Yes, it`s a bad time. Let me call you back when I`m not feeling so honest.
I like to go to the bathroom with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me.