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Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out...you have issues bro
Women`s magazines are so funny. 1: You`re beautiful and perfect just the way you are! 2: How to lose 20 pounds in 10 days.
I have the body of a God. Unfortunately, it`s Buddha.
Start each day with a positive thought like, "I can go back to bed in about 17 short hours."
Stress balls work best when you shove them down somebody`s throat.
Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key.
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
Lord please give me the strength not to go all Dexter on this mother f%#*er ... Amen
My life is loosely based on a true story.
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
I can`t believe people used to have to paint selfies.
The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.