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I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this...
Live each day like you’re marked for deletion.
If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
Just been informed that my spirit animal is Eeyore.
A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" and watch the panic set in.
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.
If you`re in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
Relationship status: If I slam on my brakes really hard... The seatbelt hugs me back.
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.
is wondering if the hokey pokey is really what it´s all about