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Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.
If you don`t like me now, you won`t like me later because I just get worse.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in
if you were 2 times as smart as you are now ... you would still be stupid
I live for those really small but special moments in life, like when I see the waiter bringing my food to the table.
I like to say "Do I smell popcorn?" right after I fart ..that way everyone quickly takes a deep breathe.
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.