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My wife didn`t appreciate me pointing out that my alcoholism began around the time that we first started dating.
Do women know that it`s perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
MIDDLE EAST: How can we stop ISIS? EUROPE: How can we save our economy? AMERICA: What color is this dress?!
If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they`d shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
Thanks to Netflix I can tell my doctor I`ve done a lot of "marathons"
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.
AWESOME!
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?