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Yeah, I was dropped as a baby. Into a pool of sheer awesome.
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
Kinda surprised I`m not an action figure by now.
Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
If you`re going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty
Best thing to do when you`re stuck in a group text is to to throw your phone in the street and start a new life and maybe get some chipotle
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
In heaven, the Cheez-Its are salted on both sides.
If Facebook has taught us anything, it`s that a lot of people are not quite ready for a Spelling Bee.
You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That`s why I`m happier than you