Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
Say what you want about Kim and Kanye naming their daughter North West. That kid is headed straight to the top. And slightly to the left.
People of planet Earth, thank your gods that I`m not in charge of the red button.
You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks you what you like to do for fun.
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
If your house doesn`t have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.
Stop saying I`m hard to shop for. Surely you know where the liquor store is
Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
A lot of people don`t know this, but you can quietly like or dislike Obama.
Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.