Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I had a dollar for every time I got suspicious… I’d wonder who the f&*k was paying me, and why?
Hi, it’s me. I can’t get to the phone right now, even though it’s right here in my hand.
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
Dear autocorrect, at no point in time have I meant to say "I`m affordable" instead of "I`m adorable".
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.
Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren`t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive.
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
I just ate 3 whole chickens ... they were hard boiled.
My brain has too many tabs open.
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.
if your dirty, your dirty... you cant fix it