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Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
I`m going to get one of those "My Family" stick figure decals for the back of my car. It`s going to be me, a bottle of whiskey, and a pizza.
"No comment" - said no woman, ever
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
If I weren´t such an alcoholic I would throw my drink in your face
When I go to the gas station I always get two kinds of drinks so it appears I actually have a friend..I think they`re catching on though.
Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
What ? Who ? Exactly my point. Now move along and go read something else. Nosey !!
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )