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I don`t mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It`s the coming back home part that bothers me.
Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It`s not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
I wonder how seaworld would react if I walked in there with a fishing pole....
Just about the time I started to give a crap, my attitude became constipated......
I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.
I`ve been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don`t know how to tell her I forgot her name.
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
if it has tits or tires sooner or later it will give you problems.
If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
The only honest people in the world are small children and me after a couple cocktails.
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!
My neighbor put the box his fridge came in on the curb for trash pickup. Guess who has a new fort!