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A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
Have you noticed that tire stores never hang big banners that say "Blowout Sale"?
Don`t exercise ... fat people are harder to kidnap
I was sad, because I had no shoes. Until I met a man that had no feet. So, I took his shoes, cuz hey, he wan`t using them anyway!
i don`t care if u don`t like me ........... i am not a facebook status:D
Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
Go ahead caller 9!!
Rough day! I have now completed the top 6 things off my to-do list ... Time to go get another six pack I guess.
Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.
It`s not too late to start convincing our children that the world really did end in 2012 and we`re the survivors.
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.