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Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
This cat poop tastes like I`m about to get yelled at -Dogs
Is it just me or does chocolate taste even better late at night, hence the the last four letters of the word chocoLATE?!
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.
Sex ed class should be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
I found my wife through online dating. So, she`s definitely got some explaining to do!
One day, people are gonna write songs about the nap I`m about to take.
Here hold my dignity, I`ve got some sketchy shit to do.
I would lose weight, but I hate losing..
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty
If you wake up with a chick and you dont know her name, take her to starbucks, they`ll write it on the cup.