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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
Thank God! the women with 3 boobs was a hoax... I just couldn`t wrap my hands around it....
There really isn`t much difference between being a kid and being an adult. I was just as emotionally crippled upon learning the truth about Penthouse Letters as I was about Santa Claus.
I got a letter from my crush on Valentine`s Day. Well, technically it`s a restraining order but still....
The guy who invented wet t-shirt contests probably has no idea that shirts can just be taken off.
I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
My nickname is Gilette because I`m the best a man can get. Also, I will cut you
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
Best Pregnancy T-Shirt… “9 Months Sober”
I`d love to have kids one day. Two days, tops.
Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole