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Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.
My teen thought it`d be funny to post as me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
Are you tired of every day being the same? Congratulations, you’re an adult!
These last 7 hours at work are always the longest.
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
I’ve discovered, the easiest way to change a flat tire is by not wearing a bra.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
Farted in my wallet, Now I have gas money.
I wish I was important enough for my nudes to get leaked.
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.