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never be afraid to wipe twice
I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
Actions speak louder than words when you smack someone in the back of the head with a shovel
The sense of success when you’ve had something stuck between your teeth and you manage to free it after 25 mins of tactical tongue pressure.
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.
The first thing I do when I get a telemarketer call is say "Let`s go off script. What are you wearing?"
If you`re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
i used to like you but thanks to facebook i now know how boring u are
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.