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Much to my daughters horror, I just sang along to Ace of Base`s “The Sign” at full volume in a van full of her friends. Being a dad is fun!
I put my phone on airplane mode, and it dragged me out of my seat.
My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle.
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
So much to do and so few alibis.
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
Well I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I`d say my people skills are improving.
If I ever get off this couch, I’ll be unstoppable.
I don`t drink to forget my problems. I drink because I survived them!
It must suck when billionaires wake up feeling like a million bucks.
Wouldn`t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 mins and come out wrinkle free and 2 sizes smaller...