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We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
Hard butter is the devil.
Did you hear about the Cannibal that "passed" his Uncle in the Jungle?...............
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
Seems like we would be just fine with about half as many types of pasta
Is it wrong to use cheat codes for Wii Fit.
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn`t used yet.
Guy advice #221: Starting a load of laundry in the washing machine and then starting a load in the dryer counts as `2 loads` - just sayin`!
You don`t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
Buy all your socks in one color - problem of the missing sock solved!
YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That