Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I am not available because I am looking at porn that takes up the whole computer screen
Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
I saved my husband`s life insurance company 1 million dollars by switching to xanax.
I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!
I bet the women who only post about sex are probably some of the nicest men you’ll ever meet in person.