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I think there’s finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.
When pornstars get up to speak in front of a large group, do they picture people with their clothes on?
Went to the bookstore to pick up a "Where`s Waldo" book today, but couldn`t find any. Well played Waldo, well played...
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths...
The only way I want to see your ultrasound picture is if you`re having a velociraptor.
Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I`ve gotta go find my clothes.
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.
Wow, that Macy`s parade is crazy! The Kanye West float just cut off Snoopy and said Woodstock can fly better!
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/
I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.
Me: I only smoke weed because of Cancer. Mom: You don`t have Cancer! Me: So it`s working...