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It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
Love is grand. Divorce is 100 grand.
You can`t make everyone happy, so today I think you should focus on me.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
I put a pair of boots in the bathroom stall at work so nobody else will use the stall that I like to use.
It’s amazing how much more money I have when I’m drunk.
If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
According to science the atoms in my body contain the energy of 30 hydrogen bombs, and yet, not enough energy to get up early and go jogging.
Odd how all the `intelligent life finding instruments` are pointed away from earth.
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.