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I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
You do realize everyone can see your status right?
What did the Japanese man say to the other Japanese man? Something in Japanese,
I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it.
Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.
I don`t drink to forget my problems. I drink because I survived them!
I`m only gonna have one beer. At a time. Until all the beer is gone.
You know it was a good sh!t when you come back and your screensaver is on.
It’s amazing how easily “I have 10 minutes to waste before I need to leave” accidentally turns into “oh crap I’m running late.”
The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.