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Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
Hate is too powerful an emotion to waste on somebody you don`t even like.
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
Just completed a 0.00 mile run - preceded by 11 oreo cookies
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they`ve been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what`s really going on
I bet people don’t understand that I’m joking 800% of the time.
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
Somewhere the inventor of yoga pants is near death from all the high fives and non-stop free tequila shots he gets.