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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you all the sh1t you want!
Goodnight friends, strangers, pervs, weirdos and a$$holes, and anybody else I left out.
Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
Just heard about the Obamacare deadline and I`m freaking out. I have so many questions. Who is Obama?
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That`s what the bill is for.
I love talking about nothing. It’s the only thing I know anything about.
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie
If you find a four-leaf clover it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
I fold down my laptop screen very slowly at night so I don`t squish you guys.