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I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend
Ran out of post-it notes, now I don`t know how to remind myself to buy more.
My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
My dentist just told me I need a crown..... I know, right??
I used to care what you thought of me, then I remembered what I thought of you.
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
I may be asking too much of this coffee.