Daily Silly Status

If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher

Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)

As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."

I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.

I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."

God is creative, I mean just look at me.

I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.

Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...

Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)

When my girlfriend texted me "I`m enjoying 5 guys in bed" I was quite surprised to arrive and find no hamburgers

I want to tell my coworker I have strong feelings for her, but I`m afraid things might get weird if she knows I hate her.

Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.

Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…