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I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
Ah Friday my second favorite F Word
I’m not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
A wise man, will often say nothing
I asked my kid “do you know why we have a Thanksgiving holiday?” He said, “Sure! It’s so we know when to start Christmas shopping!”
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
Man what a day. I pulled my groin...for like 20 minutes.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.
What`s the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.