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I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
Before I had kids I never really reflected on life`s little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?
Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni… That folks, is what drugs do to you.
If I agree with you, we would both be wrong.
I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
Describe yourself in 3 words". "Not good at following instructions"
People that do stuff- what’s your secret?
*Opens box of cereal* We’ve updated our Privacy Policy
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.