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Age sure does change your perspective. Lots of things I hated when I was a kid I love now... like having nothing to do, going to bed early, watching the news, spankings.... stuff like that.
I`m glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It`s really come in handy this parallelogram season.
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I`m gone.
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot. I didn`t even know I had a wife.
The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.
People who think only god can judge them have obviously never hung out with my friends.
There’s no such thing as being ready for vacation to be over.
Why be part of the problem when you can be all of it?