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Based on how many times I`ve dropped my phone, I`m gonna hold off on the whole baby thing.
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I`ll stalk you (maybe)
When I`m happy, I drink and when I drink, I`m happy. Win/Win!!
Five little words that will win my heart, "I brought beer and pizza."
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
Hooray ! My face book film has been nominated for an Academy Award
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"