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I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
Your car took up two spaces, I tried to move it over with my key.
Never judge a book by it`s movie.
When someone says I love you over the phone and you don`t feel the same, just say `I love youtube` but say it really fast!
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
It must be really hard to judge wet t-shirt contests. I saw one recently, and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
I know I should lift weights, but those things are heavy!!
I found a dollar in my bed this morning... Following my excitement was a flash of panic as I checked all my teeth
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
I`m not a gamer, but I can be as lazy as one.
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
Statistically: 1 in 7 dwarfs are grumpy
The best thing about smartphones is that you don`t have to refold maps anymore.
Wow bro, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop.
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.