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Didn’t Selfie Sticks used to be called Friends?
Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
Dear Santa, I was framed!
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
You are wasting your time reading this status.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
It`s not you, it`s me. I just don`t like myself when I`m around you.
If you can’t love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
Let’s just call a vacation what it is: the opportunity to live like an alcoholic for a little while.
That tenth doctor is a selfish idiot, he never recommends anything!
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.
Oh, honey, you have gone beyond muffin top. That`s a busted can of biscuits!