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I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
It`s a beautiful day, think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit.
Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught the fish yet.
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your sh!t in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
Sharks aren’t so bad. If some stranger entered my house wearing only a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.