Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
Invite me to your wedding . Invite me to go have fun , but please stop inviting me to your farm .
I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
I`m a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
Think about the nicest thing anyone`s ever said about you. Not really true, right?
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
Girlfriend: You`re acting like a little kid. Me: What do mean, little kids can`t drink.
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
I wish there was a room where we could go and see all the stuff we have ever lost.
I don`t use cocaine, I just like the way it smells.