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If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
You say you don`t need to drink to have fun. All I`m hearing is designated driver.
Having a bit of a lazy day! I`m sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused.
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
If you see me laughing like a crazy person, think nothing of it ..it`s just the voices in my head telling me jokes!
Maybe if I tilt my head to the side I can understand English – dogs
Don’t compare yourself to others, that’s when you start to lose confidence in yourself.
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name "fire place"
Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.
Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.