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It’s proving very difficult to find a shop selling “Left Guard” for my other armpit…
I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
Stapling water to a tree is easier than controlling your laughter at serious times.
Sometimes I whisper, "I`m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world...
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
Line forms here for spankings
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook