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Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It`s Made" episode on babies.
Just remember the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your talent
My sister told me I was not allowed to babysit anymore. Apparently the baby monitor is not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby`s ankle.
Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
Just ONCE, I`d like to look deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.
On your deathbed tell everyone "pray for me" then make sure to leave a note to be opened after you die that says "pray harder next time."
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
I`ll CUT you...!!!!!!!!...... A slice of pizza, cause I`m a sharer:)
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
Why the hell isn`t the iphone`s battery life called "Apple Juice."
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them and why aren`t we helping to find them?
It’s not the holiday season unless you push your body to the brink of alcoholism and diabetes.