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Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
Whenever someone says, "Have a good one." I always respond with, "I have a good one, I just wish it were longer."
It`s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
Don`t talk to me about hard times. My dog just licked the last piece of pizza.
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot ... I didn`t even know I had a wife.
Woke up to gun shots this morning. Luckily my wife has horrible aim.
Last person to like this wins a prize.
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
Don`t be sad if you didn`t get a Valentine`s Day gift, lt`s not the end of the world. That`s still ten months away.
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
Why don`t family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7
Cocaine dealers are always trying to stick their business in other people`s noses.
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.