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i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that "I don`t care about being healthy and smelling clean."
Looking back at old text messages and Facebook messages and being like "What the hell was I thinking when I said that."
If cats could talk, they`d probably always be correcting your grammar.
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
Divorce... The most common home improvement project.
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!
I went by the Gym today. Its the third time this week............. One of these day`s I might actually go in.
I had your cake and ate it too.
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
People always say, "You can`t have your cake and eat it too." I say, "Of course you can. Just make two cakes!"
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?