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"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
I noticed the toilet roll incorrectly installed in your selfie.
Me: "The only person I need in my life is you." Bartender: "Please stop trying to hold my hand."
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
My bed is way more comfortable in the mornings than during the night.
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*