Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
I fell off the wagon because I was too drunk to keep my balance
How do I like my eggs? ... Umm in a cake.
My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
Ordering a water with lemon says “I’m too cheap to buy a drink, but I still like a little zing.”
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
I was only 6 numbers away from winning the powerball.
Sometimes I add things to my to-do list that I’ve already done just so I can immediately cross them off.
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...