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Iām probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
Therapy helps ... but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper!
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she pours gasoline around your car.
Who me? Oh I`m just waiting for my husband to apologize for something I did wrong...marriage is fun
I`ve started an elimination diet, It`s where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet.
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
sorry abaut the message I sent you last night, my phone was drunk!
Somewhere out there is a guy named Joe whose greatest achievement is that he was a really sloppy eater.
Not to brag, but my bathroom floor is so clean I can sleep on it. Apparently.
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I
Cocaine dealers are always trying to stick their business in other people`s noses.
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.