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The naughty me makes the nice me giggle.
I`ve reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."
Save your little napkin, bartender. I don’t plan on having this drink long enough to set it down.
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I’m heading north to start a new life.
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
Why the hell do we still use snow shovels when flame throwers are available?
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
It turns out that playing strip solitaire isn`t nearly as much fun as playing strip poker. Especially at work...
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
My box of animal crackers says "May contain nuts." So I`m inspecting each animal before I eat it...just in case.
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
What do you mean casual Friday does not mean drink wine and get drunk at work