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New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
I’m not brave. I’m just past the age where running is an option.
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
I wonder when people without cars pick their noses…
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
75% of men kiss their wives good bye when leaving the house. 100% kiss their house good bye when leaving their wives.
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
A panda never pays his bills, because he eats shoots and leaves!!!
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.